Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
