bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
