im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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