i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
