you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
