Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
