I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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