I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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