I'm gonna have a badass scar
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
