And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
