I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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