Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
