its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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