The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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