I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
