did you get engaged???
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
