Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
