my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
