My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
