I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
