Moan for me like Helen Keller
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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