For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
