Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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