I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
