I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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