New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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