I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Actions speak louder than pants.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
