dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
