looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
