I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
