a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
