one two three fourrrrnication!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
