is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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