I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
