He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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