did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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