you guys were way drunker than both of me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
