I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
