speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
