Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
