I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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