Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
