I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
