is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
