Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
