I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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