Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
