I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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