Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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