Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
